Several years ago, I lost a significant amount of weight. It was no easy task, but I was determined and dedicated, and I cut no corners. It took a little time to see success, but slowly, ever so slowly, I did. Then, it was almost as if I could barely keep up with the ever-increasing need for smaller clothes, I was losing weight so quickly. Once I reached my target weight, with the perspective that only time can bring, I equated a health and wellness journey to pushing a train up a hill – it is laboriously slow and difficult in the beginning, but once you crest that peak, you better hold on, baby, because this machine is about to take off!
And so it was. During this golden era, I stubbornly made good food choices. The junk food I formerly craved lost its appeal. Trying to entice me with that slice of cake? Not interested. Give me some fresh coconut and raw snap peas and I was one happy girl. I exercised almost every day – not because I “had” to, but because I just enjoyed it so much. Fat burned away. Muscles, though tiny, began to give my silhouette a sleek, strong stance. My confidence sky-rocketed. It. Was. Fantastic!
Then, as is so often the case, life happened. My work loads at school and church increased significantly, as did my stress level. Instead of making my way to the gym, I started making excuses. And for a while I almost had me fooled, because, after all, I am a wordie girl, and the bent logic I fed myself was almost as delicious as the mac-n-cheese on my plate. Almost. The trouble with excuses, of course, is that they never stand up to any real scrutiny. The pants, however, do not lie.
And so it would go. My clothes would get tight. I’d say, “This is bad. I need to get up and exercise.” Two fairly decent weeks of physical fitness would begin. Followed by another slacking off. Then, the tight clothes. “This is bad…” and on, and on, and on it went.
About a week ago, I almost blew a gasket. I am tired much of the time. Most nights my sleep is fitful. My pants are oh-so-tight. More than anything though, I seem to have misplaced that confident, can-do attitude. My work life, my physical health, my spiritual life all suffer from the emotional weight brought on reverting to those old ways. That simply will not do! I got so mad – seriously PO’ed at myself. Why on earth did I just sit still and let this happen? I worked so hard to build a healthy lifestyle. Why did I let myself to default to all the negative habits that I knew perfectly well were the reason I had been heavy and unhappy in the first place?
Enough. ENOUGH! It is far past time to push this train back up the hill. I am finally fed up with settling for mediocrity and making excuses. Although putting some weight back on is certainly an issue, the number on the scale is not the primary problem. The simple truth is when I eat healthy food and exercise regularly, I feel better. I think and act and speak more efficiently. I am more creative and productive. No doubt, I am more pleasant to be around as well. And that sleek, poised, Wonder Woman? I sure do miss her smiling back at me in the mirror each morning, ready to tackle the day.
Sometimes you’ve just got to get fed up with your own junk and choose to do something about it.
Here are a few positive affirmations as I snatch my own rumpus back in gear:
• I may not have been acting like Wonder Woman, but that is who I am.
• I will act like who I am. Not who I’m afraid of oozing back into, but who I am.
• That same determination and dedication that brought success before is still right here inside of me.
• Being a stick-thin supermodel is not my goal.
• I want this earthly temple to be an honorable dwelling place for the Holy Spirit.
• Strength and good health are more satisfying and last much longer than any slice of cake.
• I really do like coconut and raw snap peas.
• The train is not so far in the valley as it was seven years ago.
• This week, I have already put my shoulder to this caboose and moved it forward an inch or two.
• I WILL push this train back over that hill. I WILL.
PS This is the first time I’m double-dipping with my FB health journey page “Running After His Heart” and my Coddliwompling.com blog site. Feel free to check them both out.
2 thoughts on “Pushing That Train Back Up The Hill”
Way to go Sonya! You are determined and you will succeed! You are an inspiration to me and many others.
After my mother’s death 15 years ago, I gained a significant amount of weight. One day I realized that I had stopped doing the things I loved and had become a bystander in my own life. I could no longer blame my mother’s death, but realized that my weight was my issue. I eventually lost 40 pounds, but it was a long journey which I fought very hard for every pound lost. During this journey I deployed to Iraq where I worked in a hospital and had to face some pretty disturbing and life-changing events. A few months after I returned from Iraq, my son said to me, “Mom, you’ve changed since you went to Iraq.” Not sure I wanted to know the answer, I asked my son, “how have I changed?” He said, “you seem a lot happier now.” The reason I was happier had of course nothing to do with Iraq, but the fact that I was no longer burdened by my weight and I was once again living life!
Fast forward ten years and I have somehow let the pounds creep back up. I can blame it on menopause, stress, retirement, etc., and I have, but the reality is that I’ve just eaten too much. On my 52nd birthday, January 13th, I decided that I did not want to enter this last stage of my life sitting on the couch uncomfortable and self-disabled. I thought back to my son’s words and decided that I wanted to be happy and carefree like a young kid. So I have gotten serious about being accountable for what I put in my mouth and I really started moving and working out. I have muscles where I haven’t had them in a while (and no more old lady arms!). I am ahead of my weight-loss goal and only have about ten more pounds to loose. I may never again be the waif that I was in my twenties, but I feel happy and carefree like I haven’t felt since I was a kid.
That is exactly the heart of this post! Thank you for sharing your story. I love the line about no longer being a bystander in your own life. And congratulations on your continuing success!